I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
