Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
