yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
