All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
