I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just pee around me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
