Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
