if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
