you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
