So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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