That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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