It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
