hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
