Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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