Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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