she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
