He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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