I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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