Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
