i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
