I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
