my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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