Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
