Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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