remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
