Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
