remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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