He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
