member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
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