She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
