Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
