did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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