Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
