I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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