he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
