my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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