Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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