you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize