At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
At least life still wants to fuck me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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