The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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