I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You left your phone here
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