He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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