If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
