Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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