talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
