Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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