i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
