I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sext me about skeletons
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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