My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
