the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
