I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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