she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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