If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
