that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
